Well geez, up and down. Today, there was steps in the right direction. I am kind of seeing up and down, and not consistency. So there are benefits/results and I am convinced some of this is desire of result issues ( being in the thick of it, is making it hard to see the forest for the trees)
I am in finals but still doing the work. I did a full ritual with Dantalion. I am convinced that the majority of real healing issues involved in the case are structural issues. Those structural issues can be more important then the individual themselves. This case is one where the systems and social realities are more important than the individual psychology. This is probably true for most things. People have a false conception of how much “individual efforts” affect the outcome versus roles and systems. Research doesn’t back it up. I think that is often the case and that how hard magic is often is related how hard to how many systems involved are resistant to change. One would think, oh, its a healing, simple. If you measure progress in observable results, you can see “psychological indicators” and then see a problems outside of the individual are actually constraints. Depending on what those are, you may or may not be able to work on those depending on how deep the constraints are ( magic work to “remove bias” and working against stereotypes probably is a much bigger work then the healing you think you are doing).
Unfortunately, the individual can change fast, but usually the surrounding systems do not change as quickly and in some cases and those systems include other people. Hence, this is a desire of result issue. Looking for observable changes, when the systems are conflicting meaning the final outcome is not yet there.
I used to think the first book a budding magician should read was a intro psychology book, now I think the second book they should read is an introduction to systems theory.
In the work, I came to the conclusion, I should do a much larger homa with my mantra. The timing does not work out for a clean 30 days, so I will be extending the work till the weekend of the 4-5. My bro, Jason will be in, so I figure, thats a good time to do a full fire homa with the mantra. Although the work started with Dantalion, I feel like it should end with the mantra that denotes coming out of Darkness ( Kali Yuga) to light ( a different age) in a time sense. It all fits the mythos of the vedic, seems to fit ecumenically and thematically. It also fits with the themes coming out in the work, and a final push toward grace. BTW thats 10 japa Mal. ( 1080 reps) in Fire, 10800 full reps.. should be a wild ride.
This was a day of super high anxiety, stress, and setbacks all the way around. It again raised the idea that the work is not really stable or is not sustainable. In retrospect, I think there are too many moving parts to live right now, and generally this was everyones meltdown day. Of course, day 23. I don’t know if it will be perceived as a release valve and there was way to much emotional eh. So it was a 3 steps forward and 4 back sorta day. Really, the stress was stress related to a whole bunch of non-related but actually related life hurricanes of a good sort.. and the negative reactions were desire of result attachment failure. I will reflect and meditate more.
This was to the point of me having two conversations with Dantalion and in the first, I can admit, I was an asshole. It was not “grace” accepting thats for sure. Yeah it was more like, fuck you and the topic of the chains and binds were raised as in relation to the backsliding. The second conversation, there was no formal ritual, since I was pissed, but it was a good conversation and communication. Now, I just don’t feel like Dantalion is fucking with me, I kinda feel like and the insights I had after sleeping, is that I hit a limit of Dantalion’s ability or the structure of how that spirit’s magic works. In some ways, Dantalion’s magic is both a problem and good, since it is subtle. It confirms to me, that had I gone to the crossroads, and did binding magic with Kalfu, that it might have blown up. Steel can bend but it can break too. For people, I don’t care about but I need an outcome, this might be easier. That is clearly not the case, and its clearly rare that would be the case that I have no concern about the person ( whether thats a client trying to influence someone or not).
I will totally document this. Change the thoughts of any person, does not mean change the underlying structure. That is the rub, surface thoughts can get you to do something, but repetition is needed to make it a habit. In this situation, there are some deep and well cognitively supported hard habits to change over. It is moving a mountain.
I did the Ganesh work, saved my ass and did my Legba work which also saved my ass. SO it is what it is. more days. The challenge ends on the day of my final is due too, ahahah fun times.
The next day, super forward steps. Literally, I am writing this one day after. Like Dantalion doubled down and said, oh we are getting results and then did. Thats a pride thing on that spirits part, I can tell.
So I am both preparing for finals, and doing the challenge. I am working on on the idea of changing “I can’t” to “I can”, via the Dantalion work. The work feels like a major lift. It is hard, like trying to bend steel but not break the steel in the process so you can’t apply to much pressure. I worked on it on both days on the weekend, but I definitely feeling burnt out. When the end of the challenge corresponds to testing at school, it just get hard. Logistically hard, and I already felt burned out.
So this work like I said, has a muffling component. Let me further explain what that means. Basically, it means the work is being done while shutting off some sources of magical power to isolate and further augment the work. So yes we are making it harder, so the work works better but thats doubly harder when your burnt out AND shutting down one whole power grid. I kinda feel like this is appropriate here, in relation to that idea of working this way.
Now there was a lot of good reasons I came up with the muffling idea. Sometimes some magical energies can act as noise for specific work. That said, “Real men of Genius”.
Remember, there are multiple people doing the work and they are doing different aspects. We all had a long confab about the unintended good consequences, our worries, etc. I was definitely ( and correctly based on divinations), worried about some parts of the work. There has been oddities across the board, good bad, weird. Lots of oddities across the board. Some concerning points early on, and lots of people feeling strung out by the work. That seems to be a design flaw, not an accident. 7 more days.
Well I really hate doing multiple days on a post, since it means I am not correctly giving myself enough time for reflection. I think thats true for most of us that struggle with journaling, this is a core issue. Too many things are going on at the same time. Writing is a style of self-reflection. The audio or videos is another. If thats not happening, I almost feel like half the magic is not done. I know that won’t be popular as an opinion.
The format of the domagick.com challenges, actually makes this somewhat harder, I know that is true, but I personally feel like there a couple social principles at work here.
the domagick.com challenge sets two social principles against each other in a way.
First, because of cultural issues with real world consequences, most people have a real fear about talking about their magical experiences or revealing too much. This is justified in my own personal experiences, but ( and I am sure I will get hate mail), it is more justified in the terms of occult practitioners and witches who actually do throw curses for reasons that really indicate more self-work is needed. Curses are useful, just not as often. Hell people throw curses at public figures all the time. Anything to not actually be honest with one self. Non-magical people do this too, almost as much, they just start with gossip or other weapons, but the “different is dangerous idea is a real problem”. I do recommend people take a pen-name for this reason, and the people who criticize pen names are usually assholes in my opinion. At least in the midwest, being a witch or pagan is not really ok even with the courts, jobs etc.
Now that said, I would strongly recommend everyone work on a personal universe where it can be ok ( aka your own business or whatever it takes). Thats greater magical work, for yourself, but doesn’t change the cultural biases. Yes you can get yourself to a place it does not matter, and that is the most rewarding magical work I think many people can take.
Second, it pits commitment to advancement against all that fear. To me,we live in so much fear all the time, that to not talk about it just kills something inside. I don’t want to talk about it as much as some people, but the commitment is helpful to make you make progress. Once you commit, once you know people are watching, you tend to follow through. This is a built in tool. Its a cognitive behavioral trick. When you see a whole bunch of others doing the work, you tend to do the work. I am already sure for everyone posting there is at least another person doing the work, inspired by the work, who just won’t post, but thats ok.
My personal opinion is, read my personal, is that ultimately magical orders do try to have the needed feedback loops and commitment, but ultimately fail based on the fact that the social aspects usually ( but not always), override and alter the purposes of the order or group. I haven’t seen any group overcome this as it is a fundamental component of the human condition. Social status and connections will always overcome or greatly influence purpose. The social control aspects also lead into a lot of tendencies for abuse. We all know the stories, I have many too in personal experience. Plus that, I am not a joiner and I don’t really like the social influence mechanisms ( in the Toastmaster group, theres a lot of these too, and thats something I want to practice).
Increasingly ( and I will be trying to work through this in the next challenge), I have found the social aspects of magical work to be wholly unsatisfying and unenjoyable. This is again a product of oh shit I have a lot to do and thats what happens. As an Introvert, its already not something I enjoy from the start.
The domaigck challenge to me is kinda a compromise experiment. Get the needed commitment boost but anonymously within some basic tenants of discipline but mostly all based on intrinsic motivation.
That reflection aside.
So I did all the work these days, usually still starting too late because I am stressed about work and school. Obviously the Goetic work is not de-stressing in any meaningful sort of way, and the muffling part of the magical work leaves me a little eh muffled. I am at the finals stretch, and thats always rough.
I have been seeing some oddities in the fabric of reality. I have been seeing a lot of car accidents like the kinda that just has happened before I drove by. I usually take this as a omen of sorts, of negativity misdirected, but I just don’t feel like there is a connection or anything else that would be like something is amiss. Now a shit ton of negativity is being transmuted across multiple people with this project, but it just doesn’t feel like ( and divinations), that the accidents are something to be concerned about. Usually I would get a little nervous ( see social paranoia of the occult world, Im laughing at myself right now). This is just an odditity, like an intuitive thing I look for .. like other omens that happen around me.. like crows being around all the time ( not a death omen for me haha not at all), thats happened to with a couple crows. Its like there are reality ripples kinda growing in intensity. Or just other weird patterns that come up when something is changing magically speaking. I took all that as the work is working, or the pattern of reality is changing ( breaking? ), and that allows for a different reality.
I did the working earlier, and flipping the Ganesh work before the Dantalion work, that seems to help the work and I did this a little earlier, but damn I need a break. What I haven’t done, is the 108 repetitions of the mantra I am working with when I need it. 108 only takes about 5-7 minutes and its quite effective, but alas. I haven’t done it. So just incase some one needs it, heres how to count with out a mala. I tend to just count the 3 middle fingers which is 9, then just go around 4 times in a hand. Then I do use the second to count the malas.
In a couple days, I feel like we are going to switch back to some hard work, but this work is a part of the process so I need the switch it to go to town.
Well its working, not as fast as Id like. There is clear results over all, and some other things changing around the issues. the situation is just not changing fast enough or as throughly, but I have seen alot of grace thrown my way. Its hard to accept. I am struggling with it, right that sense of fair exchange and grace most meditate more on acceptance.
Usually I don’t like posting multi-day stuff, BUT I am going to this time cause all these are related.
I went through friday the 13th and wholly shit…. the next three days became a blur. I mean some old-school crazy shit happened. Friday was bad enough that I went in and did Shiva work in addition to the Ganesh work. It was not like oh shit everything is fucked, but I got very little sleep and had some minor bad luck. But when your doing 30 days of constant 2 magical rituals a day, while doing an MBA, with work stress etc, it becomes paper-cuts.
Saturday I did some MAJOR work in addition to the Dantalion work for a friend who is suffering a pretty blatant racism that could end her career. For people who don’t know, I used to be a SHARP ( skinhead against racial predudice). Ok I never really shaved my head all the way, but did get in some scraps. Even though I was using negative forces, I was clearly doing so in line with Justice. I felt compelled to help and when you are working on this Grace element, and accepting it, that means when you feel compelled, you should do things. This was a fucking crazy ritual. Huge fire outside, and the minute I asked for a sign of the spirit, shit started raining and the wind kicked up. The problem, it was 35 F which sucked. But I hammered at that ritual and the people involved were like Jesus man ( they can speak for themselves on this one if they choose), jesus christ that was fucked up in the magnificent way. BTW, that one already got results in some ways already.
Then Sunday there was a huge setback with the work we are working on, and then there wasn’t. Literally the set back undid itself in a day. This was fucking really strange and there was a ton of exceptions and strangeness to even make the situation dissolve. Literally people had to over-ride standard procedures. Enough so that I was like WTF and had to rely on people I know to do some divination work with me. It happened then just undid it self. It was leaning toward a major incident ( there was some money costs), and then it just dissolved. I for the life of me could not figure out the reason, the why, or the meaning. I could have understood it if lasted longer, but really I couldn’t do it. At the same time, I went so hard on the Dantalion work that I damn near lost consciousness. Essentially what I did, was take a deep seated death impulse in a person, and loop it in the cognitive structures so it wasn’t self-empowering, but self-destroying as far as energy goes. Give death itself, a wonderful energy Ouroboros-like deep negative thought pattern killer. It takes some real hard work and cleverness to do this one, but thats why Dantalion I think is an underrated spirit. Capsizing ships is cool, but changing the thoughts of another… that’s power in our world.
Needless to say the incident screwed things up, and then I had to adjust on Monday, by you guessed it… DOING more magical work to keep other parts of the greater project. So I was working with my Skull Pwen that I worked with on the last challenge, to remove negativity as the readings came out that this was all needed, but the parts of the work that muffle magical energies, is different for this part of the work. So I had to have two different kinda of muffles. In general, by Monday night, I am staying up to 4 am just playing the stupid video game same with Tuesday. This is just magical burnout and me trying to heal shit up, but the work on the #domagick, well unbroken, and we are GETTING results. Then Monday is also FEED Legba day so… fuck just fuck fuck.
By Tuesday, the Dantalion be like.. just authorize us to work on it, we got this, you’ve fed us well. I got my offering, I am on this ( sure enough the next day, big time positive blip with the person we are working to heal). We got this Man,.. Apparently you do.
Mind you, I still have finals and work ( but I am keeping up sorta, this weekend will be catch up). So it usually takes me a couple days to figure things out on the gnostic burn phase. The thing is this is not work I can really take a pause from. The stakes are little to high and in some ways, shit is working just in a crazy unpredictable way. All the days felt like a blur. 2 hours of ritual ( more like 5 out in the rain on Saturday), and a weird just crazy.
Did I mention too, I am moving my home office. Yeah After doing some Ganesh work on Tuesday, that kinda finally settled in that right after finals, I have to move a bunch of stuff…. including some wards. Oops, no rest for the wicked.