It was the pictorial glyph for sex in liber null. It was the first time I had ever tried to use it for just sex. In the past I have used it to create sigils and I have used it along with the sigil for death to create a fetish. I want to start working with servitors so I am probably going to use the glyphs for sex and death in their sigils to program them for their creation and eventual destruction. It was really just impulse at work to try to use it for sex.

I used the sigil of fear from the same alphabet of desire to curse two of my friends who had went behind my back and did something I did not want them to do. They were trying to grow plants at my house.
I mentioned one of the instances above, from which one of the persons was sick all day long the day that I enchanted. Today I found out the other person experienced extreme delusion and paranoia regarding the plants. He told me he thought helicopters had found them and while I was away visiting anomaly he thought that because I worked for the government that I was actually away ratting him out.
For this enchantment I visualized the glyph of fear in their forehead. ( Two separate enchantments, one for each person, but done the same way ) I used one of my anchors for concentration. The anchor is a hand gesture, holding my thumb in between my ring and middle finger. From there I repeated my statement of intent over and over again while still visualizing the sigil of fear on their forehead. "It is my will for john smith to be engulfed in fear for growing plants" or something of the like. I closed with silence.

I talked to anomaly earlier about this, and I agree with him that I should have worded my statement of intent a bit more specific. Today me and some of my friends were arrested on a bike path out in the woods by a bike patrol officer. They were smoking and I was peeing. I got a ticket for disorderly person urinating in public. They got charged with possession. I can't help but wonder if this was in part my own doing. The person that had got sick the other day is now fearful to check on his plants in the woods, in that he might get caught by the bike patrol. Maybe I need to start adding a "with no negative consequence to me clause" in my phrase of desire :)

My lesson learned, Impulse can be dangerous. Get specific and don't let my emotions get in the way of orchestrating a good enchantment. Or at least develop some more skill in on the spot magic.

I would argue that this is not Illumination
this is metaphosis work you have been doing.

Illumination literally is the hardest thing I think for chaos magicians to accept, but its a helpful metaphor. In OTO sense this is "HGA" stuff. It is what is the next step?
I actually prefer to ask, what is the next step that will bring me the greatest happiness, or ability

or PURE octamerine rituals, where magic is done for magics sake ( as in more magic)
or magic to provide a etheric system shock.

I definately think you need to rest a bit, and balance things. Have fun. Shit dude, you do more then I do, and I do shit every day. Although alot of what I do is much more about daily meditation, self-healing etc. Come down to columbus, we go drinking do a little magic :)

Ehh, I do not believe that I have burned myself out, I have just reached a cross roads of sorts. One of those areas where everything must change but in no discernable direction, just change for the sake of change. My interests lately have revolved around creating new methods of enchantment so as to not exhaust my reliable means, to quit smoking which is proving difficult at the least. I have cut back a lot but I need some sort of aid to fully extinguish this old flame. It does not help that every time I go to the store the guy working gives me free smokes and pop and for the most part what ever else I want to buy. I do not know whats up with this store but the people there love to give me shit for free. I have stopped meditating every day as I feel I have got my mind to the point that a few sessions a week will benefit me in the same way as everyday during MMM. I have only had two servitors running around as of late, one is about to be reabsorbed while the other still has a few weeks to run its course. I have been completely abosrbed in work which is really starting to cut into my magical practices. I have had a sort of writers block pertaining to magical intention. As I look around myself and review my life, I have enchanted for everything I see at one point, it seems that I am reaping the fruits of my labor and I might need a break, just a little time to bask in my own glory as it were.

I have severly neglected my PS3 lately, daddy need time to play Kill Zone. I have grown board with LLL as I have already accomplished all of this yet I hate giving up on things, there is still so much to learn. I feel I should concentrate on my own projects and my own writings instead of others writings at this point. My practices over the years have brought me to many realizations and practices which are uniqely my own. I am sure I could capitalize on these endeavors. The Order which has been suggested on the Vortex seems like something I truly desire at this point, just for the sake of working with others whom can carry a conversation about this art. Illumination seems like what I have been doing the whole time, just a cycle of destruction and creating which reminds me of the fact that my inner core is empty and without definition, just a force which is synonomous with the creating/destroying force of the universe. Or something along those lines. I am starting a music project with a friend which I hope will turn into some live acts, this would please me very much.

Hmmm yep drama would do it. I think this is a a think...

Instead of drama, may I suggest an illumination ritual. While buddhism is "fun", perhaps a ritual to talk with the hga or out and out illumination.... perhaps instead of shifting paradigms as much as you have ( which is alot)... settle into one for a bit, not permanately.

AS FAR AS THIS Is the sigil for sex a alphabet of deisre seal. I can think of a lot more uses for this then merely sex. Was ths an alphabet of desire seal, or a sigil made up at the start of the work out of curiousity.

Seek out some drama... But not with me :)

Lately drama has been in the background of my robotic life. I typically can't stand drama, but sometimes it serves as a motivator, or at least a filer to lifes empty spaces. I have been enraged at some petty annoyances. Today at work I found myself in that spot once again. Most of my anger has been targeted at one person. They had went behind my back and broke my trust. I keep swinging like a pendulum between anger and not caring. Today I played around a bit with the sigils in the alphabet of desire with some result, but not exactly what I was going for. I spent much time concentrating the sigil for fear on the person that has been annoying me. I came to find that the person felt like shit all day with no apparent reasoning to feel so. Whether it was from me or not I can not be certain, in either case it wasn't the result i was looking for. I figure I'm playing the table even, the last time I got pissed at this person, I was driving home from work, I took all my anger and started rambling glossolalia, behind the glossolalia I repeated my statement of intent "it my will for this person to get a job". ( sometimes i like to solve the problem rather than further distress the situation) I visualized myself palming his head like a basketball, as the glossolalia and anger became deeper I perceived myself chanting my enraged desire into his head ( as if i were a priest exercising a demon, but in the case planting the demon ). When I felt the trance had peaked, I returned to silence and focused entirely back on the road. The very next day this person found a job opportunity and is suppose to start in a week or so...

As my work day was starting to wind itself up I noticed an attractive young girl waiting in line. I decided to toy around a little bit to see if i could get her attention. I visualized the sigil for sex on her forehead, then the same sigil on my own forehead. I then visualized a brilliant white line connecting us together. In the middle of the line I visualized the chaos star. Before the visualization I stated my will "it is my will for this girl to fall in lust for me". At the end of the visualization I held my breath for a few moments, focusing all of my concentration on the imagery I had created. At the close of the visualization I returned to silence and stated 'this is my will'. Almost instantly afterward the brief meditation the girl looked my way. From that time on she kept staring at me and seemingly finding reasons to walk past me. I turned my attention away from her never acknowledging her, but cleverly returning my attention to her to see her actions. For about 2 hours every time i would look her way, she was already staring dead at me. Unfortunately I was at work, so I had to be on my best behavior, but I think I may try this tech out a later time when the circumstances are more fitting.

But back to the subject matter at hand, create some problems worthy of solving... or stop your bitching... You have probably just burned yourself out, You have been juggling a lot of important tasks. Take some time and reflect on the fruits of your labor, watch cartoons and jack off. :)