This was a day of super high anxiety, stress, and setbacks all the way around. It again raised the idea that the work is not really stable or is not sustainable. In retrospect, I think there are too many moving parts to live right now, and generally this was everyones meltdown day. Of course, day 23. I don’t know if it will be perceived as a release valve and there was way to much emotional eh. So it was a 3 steps forward and 4 back sorta day. Really, the stress was stress related to a whole bunch of non-related but actually related life hurricanes of a good sort.. and the negative reactions were desire of result attachment failure. I will reflect and meditate more.
This was to the point of me having two conversations with Dantalion and in the first, I can admit, I was an asshole. It was not “grace” accepting thats for sure. Yeah it was more like, fuck you and the topic of the chains and binds were raised as in relation to the backsliding. The second conversation, there was no formal ritual, since I was pissed, but it was a good conversation and communication. Now, I just don’t feel like Dantalion is fucking with me, I kinda feel like and the insights I had after sleeping, is that I hit a limit of Dantalion’s ability or the structure of how that spirit’s magic works. In some ways, Dantalion’s magic is both a problem and good, since it is subtle. It confirms to me, that had I gone to the crossroads, and did binding magic with Kalfu, that it might have blown up. Steel can bend but it can break too. For people, I don’t care about but I need an outcome, this might be easier. That is clearly not the case, and its clearly rare that would be the case that I have no concern about the person ( whether thats a client trying to influence someone or not).
I will totally document this. Change the thoughts of any person, does not mean change the underlying structure. That is the rub, surface thoughts can get you to do something, but repetition is needed to make it a habit. In this situation, there are some deep and well cognitively supported hard habits to change over. It is moving a mountain.
I did the Ganesh work, saved my ass and did my Legba work which also saved my ass. SO it is what it is. more days. The challenge ends on the day of my final is due too, ahahah fun times.
The next day, super forward steps. Literally, I am writing this one day after. Like Dantalion doubled down and said, oh we are getting results and then did. Thats a pride thing on that spirits part, I can tell.